Closer.

We are so close to having this baby! I had a doctors appointment on Thursday and we found out I'm dilated to 3 cm and my doctor said she wouldn't be surprised if I naturally went into labor within the week. It's a good thing too because the last 2 weeks have been the hardest for me with getting really uncomfortable and not liking being pregnant at all. I just feel so heavy all the time too. I'm ready to shed some weight! I even had a dream the other night where my belly was so stretched out (which is exactly how it feels lately) that the top part just kind of came off and fell away. Then my baby was just hanging out of my belly with his arms out just chillin like a kangaroo. And I was walking around like a momma kangaroo carrying her baby in a pouch. But I was really freaking out in my dream, also because my baby looked like an alien. Pregnancy dreams.......I can do without those.

I started school again this past week. I'm so lucky to only have one class this term and it happens to be an elementary art methods class that is pretty easy. So it's really a blessing to be able to not have to worry too much about school and grades while trying to adjust to having a new baby. I think it will still be challenging, but it could be a lot worse if I had to take more or harder classes so I feel pretty good about being able to finish this summer semester. AJ wants me to go into labor....like NOW, but practical me wants him to wait until after class on thursday night so that I can have him over the weekend and be back to class the following week without having to miss out on class or anything. I'm a nerd and I just hate missing class. It makes me feel like I missed out on something and won't be able to catch up! Realist me knows I can't pick and choose when he will actually come so I'm trying to just not think about how birth will affect school and whatever happens happens. haha. We are still the worst soon to be parents and aren't prepared as much as we should be. I haven't even packed a hospital bag yet! At least I can claim I'm true to myself and a procrastinator till the end....until I kick myself in the butt and get mad that I have nothing to wear in the hospital or that my baby has to go home naked...haha but that won't happen, I promise to pack a hospital bag tonight when we go back to Laie. (Were in Pearl City...as usual, which is part of the reason we aren't prepared, it's hard to get ready when you're living in two places and half your stuff is one place and the rest at the other.)

Here's my 39 weeks pic. Next time you hear from me I'll probably have a baby!

My face says it all. Who's done being pregnant?....ME!

You know what sucks?

When your husband resets the laptop that has ALL your school work (homework/papers/lessonplans) from the last 3 semesters on it and the copies of our tax returns from last year.....and nothing was backed up. I had a lot more to say about this a few days ago right after it happened, but I'm not as mad anymore and have cooled off. I can get really mad and be really mean and my mouth just goes off. "Quick to anger," is the term I believe. Which just reminds me how imperfect I am. I have not mastered myself and could not control my feelings of rage lol. Seriously though I need to work on that because he's not the only one who makes mistakes (although that was a BIG mistake) and I wouldn't want him to treat me the way I treated him when the whole thing happened. Self mastery....something I need to work on and also choosing my words better. I should not repeatedly be telling my husband how stupid he is just because I'm thinking in the moment and what he DID might have been stupid, but he....he is NOT stupid...far from stupid actually, I think he's actually very smart. He knows a lot of things. And honestly who hasn't DONE a stupid thing once or twice or 2000 times in their life? People make mistakes, it doesn't mean they are stupid. I know words can hurt feelings and next time I need to remind myself to just shut up because it can't be taken back.

Need to work on THIS.

BLOBLOBLAW

This post doesn't really have a purpose or flow very well, it is just random spouting out of some things I have on my mind.

Tv is turning me into a blob. Blobloblaw. (haha Arrested Development anyone? Bob Loblaw. anyone? Well I recommend it, one word: hilarious. And I hear they are making it again.) But that's exactly what I feel like...A BLOB. My belly is at maximum capacity, at least according to me. I'm pretty sure I was having contractions all last night and early this morning. It was horrible, it was really the first time I felt like I actually HATED being pregnant. I'm starting to get to the uncomfortable stage where no matter what I do I can't get into a comfy position. I feel like this baby is too big already and any little move he makes has me saying "Owwwww". All I gotta say is this baby better come soon. I'm due the 26th...which is in 2 weeks and 4 days. Yes I'm counting down. Technically I could blow at any time now, and I'm terrified....at least about the labor part and with feeling so unprepared, but ready or not right?

Here is a picture that me and my friend, Chelsea created when I first found out and told her I was pregnant. We made it using one of those websites that's suppose to meld you and your partners faces together to see what you're future baby might look like.

It comes into focus if you squint.

So I don't think it looks like me or AJ but at least it looks like a baby haha...I'm starting to get really curious to know what our spawn will actually look like. Just got to wait a little bit longer to find out!

Today I read something really good. I can't repeat it back because I'd rather it be written word for word and I don't have it right in front of me, but I read it in this months Ensign. It touched me personally and I'm glad I took the time to read the Ensign instead of brainlessly watch a tv show..(don't worry I did plenty of that AFTER). I'm glad my parents have raised me to know where to look to when I need to be uplifted. (I have been thinking a lot lately about what kind of parent I'll be and what I need to change to be a good example to my future family and children, I feel inadequate and nervous about it, but I know I can do it) And I love that we have so much technology that I can have access to those things at the tips of my fingers whenever I need them. Sometimes I like to go to lds.org and read talks on whatever I'm curious about, I just type it into the search and pick out a few talks and read them hoping to find inspiration, which I ALWAYS do. The Lord never fails, he is always there. And on that note, I think this is a good place to end.