Yes, we are.

If any of you've noticed lately that I have the attitude of a woman with a tampon permanently shoved up her vagina......you're not the only one. I KNOW I'm really bitchy lately. I have just had this really stink rotten attitude lately. I'm in a bad mood ALL. THE. TIME. I'm so negative. Even if I don't show it there's a lot of junk and mean-ness going on in my head too. Like today, instead of going to sleep to escape like I normally would, I decided to go on a bike ride to try to see if I could get out of this funk and appreciate the beautiful day happening outside....well I guess it kind of worked. I rode my bike for a few miles, listened to pandora, and felt kind of good. Then I stopped at the store to buy a diet coke and hi chews. After I paid, the girl handed me my receipt and I looked at my drink and candy sitting on the counter so I asked her if I could get a bag. She looked kind of annoyed and put my stuff in a bag...and JUST LIKE THAT..I'm going off at her in my head. Like hello doesn't she know I didn't bring a purse and I'm riding a bike carrying my phone and I don't have 3 hands to carry my bottle of diet coke, my phone and candy, AND steer my bike at the same time?? I called her an idiot in my head and said "Thank you" and left in a bad mood. I feel like this lately. I don't like it. I need more friends. Friends make me happy. But I can't blame anyone who doesn't want to be friends with me and my stink attitude right now. Whatevs...try again tomorrow.

ps. I totally do not have a tampon up there right now...which bugs me even more cuz if there was then at least I'd have an excuse for feeling this way.

scatterbrain

So I drank a huge big gulp diet coke so I could stay up and do my homework...but then when I tried to start it I realized.....I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO IT...cuz I didn't bother to write down the instructions my teacher told us in class. Brain, you fail me. And now I'm just awake and peeing a lot.

OFF TOPIC-
You know what bothers me? When people say "drownding" instead of saying "drowning" because drowned drown drownd drowning drowneding now it doesn't even look or sound like a word. but I was saying BECAUSE it's not drownding...that's not a word and it doesn't even sound right to me. So it bothers me when people pronounce it like that.

So school. School is going good I guess, I'm definitely not failing anything. I'm trying to finish strong despite the fact that I just hate school so much. I've don't like school, I never have. I have yet to develop a "love for learning" and I'm starting to think I never will. A friend of mine told me I need to figure out what I'm passionate about. I guess that's exactly it, I need to be passionate about something...anything. Passion I will find you one day, and you will finally tell me what I'm good at. Until then I guess I'll just keep trying to do school.....since my advisor told me I have a whole 2 YEARS left. uggggggh!! who goes to school for 11 years??!! yes i'm old, get over it.

You know what else? I haven't been so good lately, but for a while I was doing excellent at reading my patriarchal blessing once a week. It was usually on Sunday during sacrament. I did it today during sacrament, and now that I'm thinking about it I think my patriarchal blessing confuses me more than helps sometimes. It's like these wonderful blessings that tell me what CAN be, but it doesn't exactly tell me HOW to get there. Maybe it just depends on where I am emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, but today while I read it I just can't imagine being like what it describes my potential to be. I'm too insecure, I'm too scared, I'm too shy, I'm too.......not like that person it's describing. How could I possibly be her? I guess I'm feeling inadequate. Dangit I wish I could be doing my homework instead of thinking about how useless I feel right now.

I just realized for the whole month of march all my posts pretty much were whiney and complainy and all "ugggh" and "bleeeh"ish. I think that has something to do with me hitting my so-over-school tolerance level and just wanting this semester to be over. Also I obviously miss my man and my family in Utah, especially my chubby little niece. I also feel like Jan and Feb flew the freak by but March has felt sooooooo loooooooooooooong. So I officially do not like March and would like to tell it to "get outta here!"

And this is the end of a very ranDUMB post.

Flooded Friday.

I just can't get enough of this song. Sorry it does contain a couple of expletives so if you're easily offended just don't listen! But I seriously love this song and this vibe...other chill artists I've been listening to for a while now are Frank Ocean and Theophilus London. Perfect for cleaning my room on a rainy day like today! PCC got super flooded overnight so work was CANCELLED today. Woohoo!! So what did I do all day you ask? Ate. Took a nap. Cleaned and vacuumed my room. Sat in bed with my laptop. And now time to eat again! Off to stuff my face with subway. Toodles!

Grump day.

school. work. time difference. truck won't start. homework that never ends. rain rain rain. disaster room. missing my heart (i'm no longer mad at him and his tattooed body). headaches.

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggghh*

Somebody give me a time machine so I can rewind to a period of relaxation in life. Looking back at old pictures reminiscing. At this moment if I owned a time machine I'd rewind toooo...

This day. Christmas time in florida. Skinny days and long hair. Chilling pool side with the sisters.

 Enjoying some free sample smoothies offered to us by hotel staff and brought to us on a tray making us feel high class.

Being goofy with my sisters. not a care in the world.

 And of course relaxation wouldn't be complete without something beautiful to read.

Wednesday, you are the longest day in the week. 

gaaahhhUGH.

I want to come on here and gush about my birthday and all the cool things I got....but I'm so mad!! He made me sooooooooooooooooooooo mad.

It's probably my fault because I prayed this morning and asked for more patience for others actions.....but I was talking about the nervy chinese girl in my morning class that invades my personal space, grabs my notebook without asking to copies down my notes, and offends my nose with her stench. I wasn't talking about Him.

He has never made me this mad before. He has never done something so thoughtlessly and carelessly. I know it's His body and His choice, but I'm the one who's going to have to stare at it for the rest of our lives. I'm the one who's going to be reminded of His stupid, selfish, immature, STUPID decision He made BY HIMSELF without me every time I see it. I mean this is PER-MA-NENT. permanent. PERMANENT. I hate it. HATE.

fuck that stupid huge ass tattoo.
i been saying the f word all day today so sorry i don't see the point in censoring my blog.
i'm that pissed.