117

I went to they gym last Tuesday and I weighed myself after my workout.
The scale told me I was 119.
I went to the gym everyday after that for at least an hour each time.
By the end of the week I was running for an hour and hitting 5-5.5 miles.
After Saturday's workout before I headed home I weighed myself again.

117!

The scale said 117!
Ok it may have had something to do with the fact that on Tuesday I was on my *COUGH*period*COUGH* and by Saturday I wasn't on it anymore so I had probably lost 2 lbs of water weight.
BUT
I don't give a rats!
It feels effing (yes, effing!) wonderful to be back in the gym again and SEE progression on the scale and more importantly FEEL progression in my body.
I FEEL stronger.
I FEEL healthier.
I FEEL good.

and I literally am LOVING it!

Goals

I've never been big on resolutions. I actually don't think I even really made any specific ones for this year. I do get excited for a new year and new possibilities but I've just never thought it important to write down specific things I want to change or improve on. BUT towards the end of last summer I did make a small goal list (I think mostly I did it cuz I was bored and had an abundance of craft supplies in my room) out of colorful construction paper and I pinned it up under my calendar and two little temple pictures, right next to my bed. I saw it everyday and every once in a while read it just cuz it was there. After reviewing my goals from then to now I think I am officially a "goal-list" person because everything I wrote down had happened! And it feels damn good to know that the things I'd expected of myself, I'd got done.

Graduate from WCC with my associates in liberal arts. - DONE.

Get into BYU-H to do elementary education. - DONE.

Pay 100% tithing. - DONE.

Read scriptures. - DONE.

Pray Pray Pray. - DONE.

The last two I count as being done, but not finished! Also I mean it obviously wasn't an everyday thing because life gets crazy and I forget BUT it was definitely increased from what I had been doing before, which sadly was next to nothing. The outcome of these two goals being increased in my life though has been gaining a greater testimony and increasing my spirituality. So since it almost new years I've decided to write up some more GOALS...not resolutions...idk I just don't like that word. Hopefully I can make another colorful goal list and hang it in my room as a reminder since it worked so well last time! So here it is:

- Finish school! (I'm on that freaking 10 year plan and I'm not giving up)

- Save money. Do more SALE shopping. 

- Read Scriptures.

- Pray! Pray! Pray!!

- Bare my testimony (I have NEVER bore my testimony in fast and testimony meeting EVER. I get so nervous and chicken out every time. not this year....maybe this sunday since it will be the 1st! yikes!)

- Wear and buy more color. I have so many black, gray, white, tan, and MORE black clothes. It's time to introduce color back into my life.

- Get involved in more service big or small.

- RUN more.....like A LOT more.

- Embrace change.

That's all for now. I'll leave space on my goal list so I can add onto it as I go along through life! 2011 was a great year for me...honestly I think I deserved it because the past 2 years before that I was pretty miserable and not in a good place. At the end of 2010 I was so happy it was ending and was determined to make 2011 better than 2010 and I definitely did. 2011 was all about getting back on track for me. 2012 I think will be about change. I've never been good with changes, I HATE IT. BUT as long as I've been alive for I've come to the realization that THINGS CHANGE whether we want them to or not so this next year I am going to try to embrace change more instead of dread it, try to see it in a positive light, and roll right with it instead of being afraid of it. I am so excited to see what 2012 has in store for me! Happy New Years everyone :)

living a faithless life

I have had an epiphany.

I have come to the realization that I have been living a somewhat faithless life.

I have been alive for 26+ years.

For those 26+ years I have always been afraid of change. afraid of moving on. afraid of trying something new or unfamiliar. afraid that other people do it better and compare myself. afraid of what other people think of me. afraid of attempting something I'd wanted to do, but stopped myself from trying it because I'd talked myself into believing I wouldn't be able to do it. 

All that above can be summed up in one word: FEAR.

This fear has kept me in a very comfortable yet somewhat unproductive lifestyle. I do not dream big. I do not have super ambitions or much motivation. I am a floater....or as my dad would put it, a "freeloader". I live a good life, but I haven't really done anything to earn this lifestyle or even be deserving of it. This fear has kept me in my comfort zone. I don't try anything (even if it's something I want to do) if it seems to hard because I'm afraid of failure or I just think I physically am not capable of doing it. So instead of moving forward or moving anywhere in any direction I always just end up in the same spot because I don't move at all.

The faithless life I talk about isn't about doubting my religion, I KNOW that it is true. I'm grateful to have been born into it and to have had good parents to teach it to me. The faithlessness I talk about I guess stems more from my lack of putting trust in the Lord. I have only realized in the past couple of months that I have not been living with faith, because if I had then I would not be living with this fear instead.

So What this quote says is exactly what I intend to do. If my faith is bigger than my fear and I trust that the Lord is guiding me and on my side rooting for me then of course I can do it. I can't believe that it has taken me this long to realize this!!!! This is a major "DUH!" moment in my life, and I'm sure many of you out there are saying "DUH!" to this post as well....but as my dad has also said "Jenn is a late bloomer." So sorry if these somewhat basic gospel principles have been lost on me because I've been doing things MY way instead of seeing the BIGGER picture and trusting the Lord's way. There are some specific things in my life that I feel I've been made to do, but I haven't even attempted to do them because of my "fear". I've always wanted to reach that final destination, but how could I if I'm not even taking the first step and putting my thoughts into actions?? Or in other words demonstrating my faith..

This quote also hit me hard. I think a lot of the reason I haven't acted on my thoughts is because the very thought of them is scary and hard. I know that finishing school will be hard, but it doesn't mean it's impossible FOR ME, which was exactly what I had thought the past 5 or 6 years. I have potential to be something great...someONE great. I just have to act on my thoughts and take that first step in any direction and let the Lord lead me from there. My Heavenly Father knows my potential and believes in me so who am I to doubt Him? I have to stop doubting myself and Him and put my faith in Him and let things happen the way He has intended for me. Am I a total retard for not realizing this earlier in life?...I wish I had...but I can't change that I can only change what happens from here on out! Here's to optimism, greater faith, and trusting!