scatterbrain

So I drank a huge big gulp diet coke so I could stay up and do my homework...but then when I tried to start it I realized.....I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO IT...cuz I didn't bother to write down the instructions my teacher told us in class. Brain, you fail me. And now I'm just awake and peeing a lot.

OFF TOPIC-
You know what bothers me? When people say "drownding" instead of saying "drowning" because drowned drown drownd drowning drowneding now it doesn't even look or sound like a word. but I was saying BECAUSE it's not drownding...that's not a word and it doesn't even sound right to me. So it bothers me when people pronounce it like that.

So school. School is going good I guess, I'm definitely not failing anything. I'm trying to finish strong despite the fact that I just hate school so much. I've don't like school, I never have. I have yet to develop a "love for learning" and I'm starting to think I never will. A friend of mine told me I need to figure out what I'm passionate about. I guess that's exactly it, I need to be passionate about something...anything. Passion I will find you one day, and you will finally tell me what I'm good at. Until then I guess I'll just keep trying to do school.....since my advisor told me I have a whole 2 YEARS left. uggggggh!! who goes to school for 11 years??!! yes i'm old, get over it.

You know what else? I haven't been so good lately, but for a while I was doing excellent at reading my patriarchal blessing once a week. It was usually on Sunday during sacrament. I did it today during sacrament, and now that I'm thinking about it I think my patriarchal blessing confuses me more than helps sometimes. It's like these wonderful blessings that tell me what CAN be, but it doesn't exactly tell me HOW to get there. Maybe it just depends on where I am emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, but today while I read it I just can't imagine being like what it describes my potential to be. I'm too insecure, I'm too scared, I'm too shy, I'm too.......not like that person it's describing. How could I possibly be her? I guess I'm feeling inadequate. Dangit I wish I could be doing my homework instead of thinking about how useless I feel right now.

I just realized for the whole month of march all my posts pretty much were whiney and complainy and all "ugggh" and "bleeeh"ish. I think that has something to do with me hitting my so-over-school tolerance level and just wanting this semester to be over. Also I obviously miss my man and my family in Utah, especially my chubby little niece. I also feel like Jan and Feb flew the freak by but March has felt sooooooo loooooooooooooong. So I officially do not like March and would like to tell it to "get outta here!"

And this is the end of a very ranDUMB post.