'Cause my momma taught me betta than that..

I think it is extremely rude to make plans with your friends in front of someone you don't intend on including or even extending a courtesy invite to. It can make a person who may already feel like an outsider even more excluded. It's not nice. It's just plain bad manners. Who raised you?

Maybe if I wasn't already feeling all types of hormonal from stopping, cold turkey, breast feeding then I wouldn't be feeling extra sensitive about this. Maybe it wouldn't make me feel bad about myself and I'd be able to brush it off because I'd just know that they are real friends who hang all the time and I'm just kind of a friend they see once in a while. Maybe I wouldn't still be bothered about it today. But you know what? I would probably still think it rude.

Because it is.

Anyways, hormones. My hormones are determined to make me look like a crazy person. It's like sabotage from the inside out. This article is me right now, especially the motherhood and biology part. I would just add to the biology part: all the changes and hormone surges a women goes through with pregnancy, birth, breast feeding, weening. I've probably had 100 different personalities the past 2 years because of this. Right now I'm currently going between raging-psycho-Bword-who-wants-to-blow-up-in-your-face-and-cause-you-physical-pain and I'm-sad-and-lonely-and-anything-emotional-will-make-me-cry.

I just kind of feel sad. And it doesn't help when a group of friends talk about how they are going to have so much fun hanging out together being friends while I awkwardly sit there listening trying to look pleasant and not let my face show how I really felt, which was out of place.

Oh well. Here's this.

Me too son, me too. 

ARRGGHHHH!

I think it's safe to say Ray hates Utah. We have been here for 3 weeks and he's basically been sick the whole time. First he had a fever for a few days. Then he got really congested and couldn't stop coughing. That was finally just barely starting to go away and then last night he throws up. Then he throws up two more times today......ON ME. Not to mention his skin is literally being sucked dry. His cheeks started turning so pink and chapped. I started putting nipple cream on it to try to keep it from drying out. UTAH SUCKS. It's now 12:30 in the afternoon and I just finished scrubbing out puke from blankets and clothes and throwing them in the washing machine and finally showering off the vomit from my skin. This also all happened while AJ was at the gym and Meliss had to take Lusi to dance class so it was just me, Ray, Bear and Mele who was sleeping since she had worked a grave. I had to wake her up to watch Ray in the bath while I cleaned vomit off the floor and the couch and then Bear made a huge doodoo and I had to change his diaper. I was dying. Stupid Utah and it's dry air and germs making my baby sick. One more week then it's back to Hawaii.

Don't get me wrong I've been having a blast and can actually finally see us moving here me not hating it 100%, but today just really effing sucks.