Short story, long.....

I came into my room to read my scriptures (Richard G. Scotts talk from saturday morning conference first session just made me want to lose myself in the scriptures, I seriously need to make reading/searching/pondering the scriptures more of a priority in my life and not just a thing I do before I go to sleep at night...but more on conference later). Conveniently my laptop just happened to be sitting on my bed. Heres my thought process:
- If you open that laptop you ARE NOT going to even touch your scriptures.
- uhhhhgghmmmm yes I will. I'll just check my facebook REAL FAST and then be done and get on with the reading.
- Pssshhhh yeahOK.
- no really this time I'll just check it fast kine.
- Ok............................
annnnnnd an hour later after checking facebook, playing bejewled, and reading everyones blogs...here I am...my scriptures still on the floor and me still on my stupid laptop. BUT I am still going to read my scriptures after this. I HAVE TO. So I will.

Short story about myself and......

THIS GUY, my father :) Taken 2/28/93 my birthday and baptism day.

...so I've been living in Utah for 4 1/2 months already and only last month decided to clean my room. Gross right? ahh whatever when I moved to Hawaii 5 years ago somehow my Utah room became the leftovers room for everybody. Literally my mom got rid of my dresser and put like left over storage crap in my room. She has a whole corner devoted to her craft things. My sisters decided they needed an overflow closet and it was full of extra tops, dresses, and jackets/coats. Ridiculous. So when I moved back in I kind of didn't really feel motivated to clean THEIR things and make room for all of mine. Since I had no dresser a lot of my clothes ended up in folded piles.....on the freaking floor. RIDICULOUS. haha Anyways since I have a super awesome boyfriend he noticed my need for a dresser and last month he got me one. So as I cleaned to make room for it and moved some things around I went through a drawer in my room. It was full of old cards..birthday cards, valentines cards, christmas cards, etc. So I started going through them to decide which ones I should keep for sentimental value and which ones could be thrown out. I started to notice that A LOT of them were from my dad :) I don't think he ever missed a birthday even if they were late.

*short story within my short story that's actually starting to seem not that short: for those of you that don't know I was born in Hawaii. We lived there until I was nine then my parents decided together that we should move to Utah  so that me and my siblings could all get a better education...hawaii's public school education is less than stellar. My dad owns a landscaping business in Hawaii and the plan was for him to sell it and be with us in Utah. Well work was always so busy and he never sold his business so he would just go back and forth between work (hawaii) and family (utah). It was a HUGE sacrifice on his part, but he did it for us and it really says a lot about him and his love for his family. And that is just how we grew up. With my mom raising us and my dad working in hawaii and being with us when he could, it was normal to us but to other people it was hard to understand. Everyone would always think my parents were divorced or something because my mom lived here in utah with/raising us kids and my dad lived in hawaii, working. But no my mom and dad are and always have been happily married. In fact just this year they celebrated their 30th anniversary. They are both great examples of selfless love to myself. Only now that I'm older do I realize how abnormal that living situation was...I can't imagine being my mom or dad and being apart from their other half for extended periods of time. It must have gotten lonely at times. Man, my parents are amazing! But this story explains why I always got birthday cards from my dad on my birthday...because he was usually in Hawaii and not physically there. Now back to my long short story....

Anyways I started reading through all the cards my dad sent me and well....I'm just going to let the cards speak for themselves, heres some excerpts from his cards:

" 2-23-99 8:30AM" (yes he wrote the date AND time lol)
"I can't believe that you are 14 yrs old. I miss your birthday but remember that I think of you and the rest of the family everyday. Got to go now work is calling me. I love you. Stay well and you be good."

"Jenny I am sorry that this card comes in late. I am also sorry for not being home for your birthday. You are now 15 years old? Time sure goes so fast. Anyways I want you to know that I think about you and the rest of the (our) family everyday. As you know how I stuck here in Hawaii with my work. I would love to someday soon be able to work in Utah and be with all of you. I miss being with my family. Here is a few $$ for your birthday. Jen always remember to travel on the straight and narrow and follow the church teachings, mom and dad's teaching and keep the Lord's commandments. I love you, Dad."

*MY PERSONAL FAVORITE*
"Jenny, I am sorry again that I am not home for your birthday. Anyways here is a few $$, go buy yourself a present. It is a gift of God that we are well and grow. It seems like only yesterday that you were this cute big eye curly hair baby that I and mother brought home from the hosp. Now you are 16 and it is hard to believe. Where have all the years gone? Even though you're 16 here are some of the things that you can't do.
1. Cannot date
2. Cannot drive
3. Cannot have freedom to do any undesirable things.
Please seek to do the things that is desirable to the Lord. Like stay in the straight and narrow path and keep the Lord's commandments. Give thanks to the lord for your being well now that you're 16 and pretty as ever. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. Promise me that you'll read this scripture, ok? Happy b-day. Love Dad."
My dad thinks he's pretty funny...but I'm pretty sure his list was all serious haha. But Proverbs 3:5-6 reads "5-Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6-In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

This is a valentines card-
"Jen always remember my advise and counseling or preaching- Stay home sometimes do not go and hang out all the times- It is safer at home. Work hard at school. Pray, read scriptures everyday and obey- do not go to sleep after school."
(apparently I had a problem of coming home from school and sleeping for a few hours and then staying up all night. My mom always tried to wake me up cuz she hated when I would stay up all night and not get sleep for school. It wasn't my fault though....it was just a normal teenage circadian rhythm, look it up...I learned THAT in school.)

"2/27/03
Jenn, I know this will get to you after your birthday. Late is better than never. However this doesn't mean I love you any less. I want you to know that I am proud of you. You've been a good daughter despite the fact that I refer to you sometimes as the lazy one. I want you to know that I love you as you are. We have had our differences but it is so because I care about you and the rest of my children. You have grown up so fast I can't believe it. You are about to graduate from high school and go on to college. It is all a blessing. Stay in the straight and narrow and you'll be blessed. Happy Birthday. Love Dad."

One Christmas card that I must have kept because it makes me laugh-
"Jen, Despite our differences when it comes to boys. I want you to know that I still love you. Love always, Dad."
HAHAHA right?

My mom and dad helping set up for my sisters wedding.

Anyways I am soooooo eternally grateful for the family I have and for the parents I was born to. They are just the greatest examples of hard work and sacrifice to me. They have shown me what love is and what it means to show love for your family. I have the hardest working dad ever. He has given up so much for his family I can't even begin to imagine the half of it. Although he wasn't physically there a lot of the time he has always made sure to keep us in line. I love that in almost all his cards he constantly reminds me to stay in the "straight and narrow" and "follow the Lord's commandments". I think it's pretty apparent through these cards that my dad did his best to teach us the Gospel through word and through example. He has always been a good example of giving thanks for what we have be it a little or be it a lot. He has always told us to be grateful for what we have and has constantly reminded us that what we have is from the Lord and to give our thanks to him. He has been a great example of relying on the lord even when times were hard for him. I admire my fathers strength. He is the strongest man in the world to me and I love him so much. I hope the man I someday marry is as great an example to our children as my dad has been to me.

In Hawaii. Missing my older brother.

My dad, me, and grandpa (moms side) in Florida at a miami heat vs. jazz game.

Whining cuz I can

I am feeling BLAH. Once a month I really hate being a girl...if you catch my drift. There are some negative feelings I need to get off my chest. In no particular order, here I go..

When I think about Hawaii my heart hurts. Simply put, I MISS IT. I miss: sunny days and warm nights. The ocean. The salty smell in the air. Driving from Laie to Kaneohe with all it's beautiful scenery to distract my mind. Finding sand in my purse. WORKING. My old job and everyone who worked with me. Putting costumes in color coordinated order. My friends. The food. The culture. Seeing my favorite temple on the daily. Riding my bike around.  Nice friendly smiley people that say "hi" to me when they don't even know me. Angels ice cream smoothies. The radio stations, especially 103.7. Going to 711 for saimin, chips, and an energy drink. Hearing PCC drums/cheering/noise from wherever I am in Laie. Random dinners at the fire station with my valentine for life. Good reggae concerts almost every weekend. Sleeping at my dads house. Flowers in my ear and the smell of tiares. The rain. Foodland. Brown people. Drivers that see my blinker and actually let me in. Being under water. Running in the CAC. Going to town whenever to do whatever. I even miss the stupid chickens. And ok I know missing things isn't necessarily a negative thing, but it is in this case because I miss these things so much that it actually makes me really sad. Makes me kind of hate utah a little bit. Makes me not want to try here and just go back.

I know I came here to change, but it's so hard and I really hate change. It's hard for me to move forward when I'm so fond of the past. And here I just feel like I don't have many friends and I'm too shy to know how to make any. I wish I was outgoing and comfortable enough to just open up to anybody, but no I'm weird I feel anxious and awkward and don't know what to say and feel stupid. Of course I have my sisters and AJ, but still I miss having friends to just go do something with and I really miss working! It's so weird, but it's true...i miss it! Maybe I just need a job to occupy my time. But I don't know where I'd want to work...I'd just compare it to my last job that I loved. ugh.

I applied for school for next semester. I just want to finish already. I'm sick of dragging it out. I feel like I should have been done a long time ago. I kind of feel like I'm always trying to play catch up with everyone else.

I just kind of feel confused about a lot of things. I want to do something with my life. I mean doesn't everybody? Isn't that what we were put her to do? There's something I'm meant to do..........ugh! i kind of hate feeling like this. I know this feeling will go away and that I sound whiny and annoying...but this is my blog and how I'm feeling right now so get over it. I probably just need sleep and an attitude change.

All I can say is general conference couldn't come at a better time. I need some serious guidance and comfort for the soul. Can't wait to hear the words of God.

P.S.

I'm grateful for my home teachers who visited tuesday night and reminded me of the story of the guy who was talking to another man who asked him about the church. And the guy explained to the man that we have modern day prophets who speak with and receive revelation from God and that the prophets then share twice a year during our conferences those revelations. Then the man asked him what did the prophet say in the last conference. And the guy couldn't really remember or explain anything. He didn't know what to say. So the man says to him something along the lines of "you mean to tell me God speaks to men today and you don't even know what he's said?" I'd feel awful if I was that guy. It was such a good reminder to me to pay attention and to listen tentatively during conference because what is being shared is coming straight from God, yes it's that important.

Meet Mr. Doitnow...

So this is what happens when AJ is at my house using my laptop and I'm obviously not giving him enough attention...

hey, i'm aj doitnow. and i do things now and not later. fav color white and grey. like to joke around and laugh. i like to sit outside my window and look out for shooting stars, also stargazing. if i am doing something i love, i'm in it to win it. i like to eat junk food, pasta, chinese and horse, giddy up yumyum. love sports and being active. i'm easily entertained and can chilll and do nothing all day. 

Yes he wrote this and I didn't even notice until the next day when I opened my laptop. What a weirdo right? LOL Sounds like a freaking personal add or something. haha ilovehim :)

rain rain go away..

so that I can do something like this......

It's Friday and both my sisters are home from work. My AJ is at work. Melissa's husband, Teki, is on his way to Aspen, Colorado for a rugby tournament. And I'm trying to figure out something for all 4 (including little Miss Lusi) of us to do before Mele can make plans with her friends. lol. But thanks to the stupid weather now our options are limited and the only things we can think of to do are things outside softball game? rodeo?...in the rain..yeah not happening. I like to do things outside because they are usually FREE. oh well....maybe tomorrow.

It is time for bed

I want to blog a long rant about nothing extraordinary, but if I don't go to bed now I will be a complete grump tomorrow. And being a grump while taking care of this......

this picture is from June. she has MUCH MORE chub and rolls now, but her face in this pic always makes me smile!

...just doesn't make for a good day for her. She needs a happy well rested aunty who can give her full attention and loves. Seriously don't you just wanna squeeze and pinch all over her?! So off to bed I go! Goodnighty night friends!