I came here today to say I HATE weddings. They are ruining my life. Well first off I hated my wedding. Now other peoples weddings are interfering with my life and making me hate weddings altogether. Marriage is a wonderful, beautiful, joyous time and it should be celebrated.....just not when I have things going on. hahaha. But really. First Aj and I had planned to bless our son in October because Aj's family wanted to come out for it so we planned it months in advance before he was even born. We chose the second week of October because thats fast Sunday and that's when all his family can come out. My older sister Melissa was planning on coming out for the blessing because she flies for free and I love having family here and was super excited for her to be here for my baby's blessing. BUT THEN.........her sister in law decided to change the date of her wedding to that weekend. (insert a sad annoyed face here) And then my dad is talking about how he wants to go to that wedding also..... (insert just an annoyed face here) O well right? We'll have other children for them to celebrate with us. So not that big of a deal, just a real bummer.
On to the next....
I have literally been in college for 10 years! When I graduate IN DECEMBER I will finally complete the goal I never really felt was a choice for me. It wasn't a choice because ever since I can remember my parents, and more so my father, have stressed the importance of education. And every time I stopped going to school or took a loooooooong break (and there were many...hello it's taken me 10 years!) my parents and especially my dad would pressure me to finish. So I went back to school more seriously last year and decided it was time to just finish it so I could put that accomplishment under my belt and so that my mom and dad could feel like all their money wasn't wasted the past several years and so they couldn't nag me about never finishing college anymore.....and also be proud of me of course. So I graduate in December. I've been telling everyone that for this whole year. BUT THEN.......my cousin decides to get married....in december........in Tonga......on the 12th. Graduation is on the 14th! (I am really happy and excited that my cousin has found the love of her life and that they are getting married and I wish them nothing but happiness) So the reason why this wedding is ruining my life is because apparently my dad HAS to go to the wedding. He is going and my little sister Mele is also going because she is going to be in the line.
I understand it's a tongan cultural thing and he needs to go............but I can't help but feel a little bit like jealous? I don't know it's like actions speak louder than words right? So to me it's reading a little like: my cousin is more important than me, his own daughter. And on top of that he's the one who has stressed how important getting an education is and my education has literally been 10 years in the making....and now he's going to miss the crowning moment? It makes me feel a little like it's not as important as he's been saying all along. It also makes me feel like: why am I even graduating if the one person I feel like I've been doing it mostly for isn't even going to be there to support me? I am seriously thinking about not even walking. What's the point? Why celebrate it when I feel like it's being pushed aside as if it's not even important? To my parents face I've acted as if it wasn't as big of a deal to me as I feel it actually is. I've put on a tough face and pretended not to care so much in front of them. .....but I'll admit it made me cry. I can't even explain how I feel right now, I feel like I'm not doing a good job of getting my thoughts and feelings out right now. UGH. I'm annoyed.
I never wanted to graduate and now I'm wondering why I am. I hate school and now I hate weddings.
This is my official pity party.
